Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
