So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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