You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
