Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
