I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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