Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
