If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
