Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
