i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
