We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
