He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
