Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize