He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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