I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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