I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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