I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
