Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize