all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
