How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
