It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
