reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
