she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
