There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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