She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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