my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
