I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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