I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
