did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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