if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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