Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
