Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize