He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
