if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
