Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
