then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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