Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
