I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Alive.
So much puke
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
