Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
