Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize