Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
