I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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