Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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