I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
