Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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