I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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