Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
