I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize