so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
