I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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