Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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