So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
