We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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