Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
