Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I AM VODKA MAN
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
