shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize