Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize