What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
