I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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