I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
