Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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