my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
