life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
