We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
