What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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