Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I need to stop coming to work sober
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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