He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
