it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Randomize
