i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
