Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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